An Application of Autotomy

Here’s an amusing stock photo captioned by the “It’s Like They Know Us” Tumblr Blog.

I’m getting so much work done. Toddlers are easy.

For those of you with computers and without small children, it’s funny because it’s not true. My children, in particular, have a keen sense of when I’m working on something really important on the computer. They will both drop everything and approach my machine, sticky fingers widespread.

Me Spaz. Me Want to Delete Production Data

When I see them tettering my way, know what the first thing I do is? I quickly unplug my USB mouse. While they are distracted moving that around and doing futile clicks, I have just enough time to sign out of the production database server, save important documents, or move the laptop to a higher elevation. By the time they realize the mouse isn’t doing anything, the laptop (and all my production data!) are safe.

Distracted by USB Mouse

I was enacting that one day and I realized I’m wasn’t particularly inventive. I was employing the exact same defense mechanism salamanders and seemingly other “lower” creatures have used for millions of years.

Autotomy.

I drop the USB mouse to distract the predator. The salamander drops its tail. : )

Salamander Dropping Tail (Photo by Gary Nafis of California Herps)
Distracted Modern Day Predator

The Fussypants Song

Like all toddlers, my oldest son has his fair share of emotional moments. And like a lot of mothers, I often find myself perusing various “Mommy Blogs” on the Internet. Somewhere along the line, I read an article (whose author completely alludes me at the moment) that talked about how kids need to feel safe to express their emotions–positive AND negative. When Sagan is upset, we often “take a lap.” One of us carries him in the circle through the rooms on our second floor. Inspired by that now nameless article, I started to sing a simple little song to the tune of Frère Jacques:

You’re my Sagan
You’re my Sagan
I love you
I love you
Even when you’re fussypants
Even when you’re fussypants
I love you
I love you

Well Sagan isn’t especially communicative when he’s upset. He would just sort of zone out and sniff, occassionally wiping his nose against my shoulder. Really, I didn’t think he even noticed the song. Then one day, he bumped his knee and I had the nerve to switch it up a bit and sing Elvis instead.

“No! no!” His crying intensified. “The fussypants song! I want the fussypants song.”

Now that’s our thing. When he’s upset, I’ll ask him, “Do you need a lap?”

He’ll nod.

“Do you need a song?”

He’ll nod.

“Which song?”

“Fussypants song.” he’ll croak out.

I’ll carry him a few laps and sing our song.

I have failed miserably at getting it on video, but Sagan has a stuffed monkey he occassionally plays with. He does baby stuff with it– puts on diapers, feeds it, etc. On a few occassions, I have spied Sagan hugging it and singing the Fussypants Song. It’s super adoreable, but super elusive. Everytime I bring the camera out, the moment subsides.

BUT– two weeks ago, I heard Sagan singing the Fussypants Song to Dyson and I did have success convincing Sagan to sing a few bars for the camera. Sagan’s version of the Fussypants song. Enjoy!

Co-Sleeping Hack – Preventing Deformational Plagiocephaly

Earlier this week, NPR shared a link to an article called “My Baby’s Head Is Flat! Study: Expensive Helmet Likely Won’t Help.”

Ryan and I first heard about “Deformational Plagiocephaly” from our pediatrician when our oldest son was a newborn. Because babies are often put on their back to sleep to prevent SIDS and their little heads are still malleable, their heads can get flat if they always lay on the same side. Like the article, our pediatrician recommended positioning the baby’s head in different directions during sleep. The pediatrician talked about using rolled up towels and blankets to help hold the baby’s head in place…which if you tend to be an over-active worrier like me, you might suddenly have concerns about baby suffocating on said blankets. : )

It can be a little controversial, but we do co-sleep and bedshare. Everyone has to make the right choices for their family. If co-sleeping happens to be the choice for your family as well, then I have a little hack for you!

With our second son, I noticed he was ALWAYS facing my direction. It was his natural inclination. To prevent deformational plagiocephaly, we didn’t have to bother with rolled up blankets and towels. I didn’t have to fret about additional suffocation hazards. I just alternated what side of him I was on.

Easy schmeasy.

Preventing Deformational Plagiocephaly…Just By Sleeping

Baby Steps

Phew, with a toddler and a baby, I find I have to be patient…when it comes to my extracurricular activities.  I definitely don’t complete projects nearly as fast as I used to.  I have to be satisfied with short bursts of progress, baby steps if you will.

This weekend, I managed to get just a tad bit closer with a couple of projects:

3D Printed Breastfeeding Pendant
It took me a couple of months to eke in Blender tutorials and make time to fix non-manifold edges and the like to make my Origami Owl Breastfeeding Charm.  Earlier in March, I ordered a pendant version.  I LOVE it.  A week ago I took pictures…and this past weekend I finally got everything up on Shapeways.  If you covet a breastfeeding pendant, shebam!  You can order one now!  🙂

Pallet Vertical Garden
I also aspire to make a vertical garden out of an old pallet I procured in December, following Life on Balcony’s “How to Turn a Pallet into a Garden” post. December through March the pallet just sat next to the driveway, a visible reminder of my inaction. : ) Two weeks ago, I bought potting soil and landscaping fabric.  Last week, I bought the plants.  This week I had hoped to plant everything….but I had to settle for just stapling all the landscaping fabric on the pallet while my children played beside me.  I didn’t even trim the excess fabric off. So this project is now about 14 weeks in the making. : )

Pallet Garden – Week 13

Photo Wall
A family friend has this amazing wall in his house dedicated to his favorite photos.  I have been wanting to do something similar since December.  Six weeks ago, my husband purchased picture frames for me which have sat in our foyer ever since.  They too are an effective souvenir of my inaction. A guest entered our house last week and announced, “Vicky, these picture frames are still here!” Luckily, I was able to report forward progress. Two weeks ago I picked out 29 “finalists” and ordered 5×7 prints.  One week ago, I figured out who to lay out the frames.  What was my accomplishment this week?  Brace yourself! 

I. Picked. Up. The. Printed. Pictures. 

A remarkable feat, I know.  🙂

Actual Pictures…. How Long Until They Are On The Wall? : )

My Mom’s Taxes
This one is almost done…really.  Last week, I got the bulk of everything gathered and entered.  Just a couple more items and I can scratch this one off my list.

Staying Fit
This one was a bit easier this week.  The weather warmed up, so it’s easier to merge “time with my sons” with “exercise.”  Long live that jogging stroller!  I got a 5K run in with Dyson during the week, tons and tons of walking with the boys, and I actually made it to the gym for some weight lifting over the weekend.  I’m far cry from a super-athlete, but I am pleased my husband and I have managed to weasel exercise into our schedules.

Write My Friend Meg
I have a friend battling cancer for the second time.  A bunch of people have been sending her letters and cards.  She’s been thrilled to be getting real mail every day when she checks her mailbox.  Anyway, I have a goal to write her once a week.  I am falling short on that.  I’ve only sent her three letters in the past five weeks.  D’oh!

P.S. Meg’s been particularly touched/surprised when she hears from strangers, so if you are interested in mailing her something, let me know!

Blogging
Uh… yeah. Definitely room for improvement on this one. I have plenty of content ideas. Northern Virginia, family-friendly hikes alone is easily a dozen-plus posts. I just don’t seem to ever get to it. But I got this post in, so maybe one day. : )

Trees on Mars Stories
Finally, I’ve continued work on a collection of short stories about the people involved in the “tree phase” of terraforming Mars (one of which was published at Luna Station Quarterly).  I have about 35,000 words edited and pretty finalized…but I have another 30,000 still needing attention.  This one, progress is probably the slowest.  It is the hardest hobby to do with my children awake, but I’m sneaking in a half hour here and there right before I fall asleep.

Slowly, but Surely.  Slowly, but Surely.  Slowly, but Surely.  When you have a baby, I’ve found they aren’t the only ones making baby steps. : )

A Positive Story About My Two Year Old’s Cavities

Last month I found out that my son, who’s barely been on this planet for 31 months and has had teeth for even less than that, had cavities. Two cavities, in fact. The dentist didn’t point any fingers, but I believe we were too lenient with juices and extended use of the sippy cup.

But believe it or not, this is a positive tale! I share it in case anything we did would be of value to other parents or ease their concerns.

An Affection for the Dentist
The first time my son visited the dentist, he was about 22 months old. Everything checked out fine, but the appointment itself was not smooth. The whole thing was scary to him, he didn’t want to open his mouth, tears were shed.

Now granted, he was older for his second check up. But we also approached it a little differently. In the days leading up to his appointment, I talked him through what was going to happen and we “practiced.” He would open his mouth and I would look at and poke his teeth.

Walking into the dentist office for his appointment I asked Sagan, “Are you scared?”

“I’m not scared!” he announced.

Yeah, right I thought, We’ll see about that.

But sure enough, Sagan’s assessment was accurate. He was not scared. When it came time for his check up, what a difference! I was mentally prepared for crying and screaming, but this time, I had an inquisitive, agreeable little boy who enjoyed everything from start to finish. The “flash light” (the light above him) and the “sucker” (the tool that sucks saliva out of your mouth) were his favorite parts. He even sat still for X-rays.

Getting Examined

Love That Sucker

X-Rays

So the process of the appointment was wonderful, but the outcome was less than ideal. My little boy had two cavities. He was going to need to have some fillings. I would spend the next week ferociously researching on the Internet at which point I would discover that I am a callous, unfeeling mother. A lot of the mothers on the Internet talked about sobbing right there in the dentist office when they found out their child had cavities. Whoops. It never occurred to me to cry at the dentist office, but that also meant Sagan had no cue from me to get upset himself. I would have plenty of guilt-ridden moments later, in the middle of the night, watching my peaceful son sleep and thinking about how he would have decidedly un-peaceful moments ahead.

But back to the story. The dentist typically sedates young children for their fillings, but my little boy is actually too little. 1.8 pounds too little. They don’t sedate children until they are 30 pounds. So the dentist, we’ll call her Dentist A, said she would be using a “papoose board” which would hold him down so he couldn’t flail around next to the sharp instruments.

“Okay,” I said, “Is there anything we should practice to prepare him?”

Dentist A looked at me and blinked. “No. This is very traumatic for the children. You shouldn’t practice.”

Wait… traumatic?

She must have read my mind because she quickly added on, “All most children remember is the toy afterwards.”

I’m Going to Traumatize My Child For His Entire Life
So alone at home, I did have some emotions and worries. I was particularly saddened by how much fun Sagan had at the dentist and how now he was most certainly going to hate it. I really did feel like I was about to traumatize my child for life.

My worries were reinforced the very next day when Sagan got a shot at the pediatrician office. He cried and cried and cried and he talked about how “the doctor gave [him] a needle ouchie” for weeks. Weeks!

Papoose Board Research
After I got home, that’s when the ferocious Internet research began and like most everything, there are a lot of horror stories. I talked to two parents who had to have their children in papoose boards. Both of the parents had a negative opinion of the papoose board. One parent even told me the papoose board changed her son’s personality.

But then… I talked to two adults who had actually been in papoose boards when they were very young. Sagan’s uncle was in a papoose board when he was three.

“You know, I keep being told I was in a papoose board, but I don’t remember it at all.”

My cousin also had multiple encounters with a papoose board when she was young. She didn’t find the papoose board traumatic and she was sure “[your son] will do fine.”

Among all the horror stories on the Internet, I did find a lone outlier– a mother who said she prepared her daughter and told her the papoose board was going to give her a tight “hug.” She sat and talked with her daughter during the procedure and it went well. That was uplifting to read. The survey results for this study were uplifting as well. The papoose board was not a unanimously awful thing.

Questions
With my reading, I had a series of questions, I called over to the dentist and asked away.

An Excerpt of my Questions and Notes

This was actually really helpful, because I confirmed I could be in the room with him, I learned more about the procedure, I learned how open they were to me soothing my child, and…. interestingly enough, they told me that my son’s appointment was with a different dentist, we’ll call her Dentist B, and that Dentist B doesn’t go for the papoose board right away.

“If your child gets in the seat all by himself, we may not even need it.”

Well dude. As agreeable as Sagan was last time and how he kept talking about wanting to go to the dentist again, I had no means to think he wouldn’t be agreeable this time.

Practice, Practice, Practice
Despite what Dentist A recommended, I decided we were going to practice. I know how my mind works and in anxious situations, I like to know what expect. I like to know what’s going to happen. So the next two weeks, we practiced the dentist every day. I did tell Sagan about the possibility of the papoose board.

“They’ll make a Sagan Burrito,” I’d tell him, which he kinda liked. We are a big burrito-eating family.

“You won’t be able to move your hands.” I’d hold down his hands. “Is that scary?”

“No!” He’d smile.

“Also you won’t be able to move your head. Is that scary?”

“No!!!” he’d reply.

I told him they would be putting in something to hold his mouth open. I’d pretend to wipe a topical on his gums. I told him how the novocaine was going to make his mouth feel really funny.

“And you’ll tawwwlk wik dis,” I’d say and he’d laugh.

We’d practice drilling and rinsing and putting the filling in. We did this at least once a day. Sometimes he would remind me of the next step.

“Don’t forget the drill, Mommy! The drill!”

Presence of Both Parents
Sagan is very attached to his father. Ryan took a half-day from work to be there for the fillings as well. This was a great move as in the middle of the procedure, Sagan asked, “Daddy?” and Ryan was able to say, “I’m right here.”

Just like what I found with labor, there is something just soothing about Ryan’s mere presence. : )

Success!!!
So get this. After all my research and planning and practicing, Sagan got his cavities filled…with no papoose board and no trauma! Here’s a quick shot of him getting his fillings in.

Sagan Gets Fillings

Take a close look at his hands. They’re free! No one had to hold his hands down, let alone put him in a papoose board!!! Go Sagan!

Now, all our practice couldn’t have hurt, but I think the true hero of this story is Dentist B. She was amazing. Every step of the way, she would show Sagan the equipment, explained what it would do, and even let him play with. Then she was very patient with the drilling and only did a little at a time.

Near the end of the filling process, Sagan did whimper a bit, but man, that little boy kept his composure. I had worried I would be traumatizing my little boy for life and instilling in him a fear of the dentist. But he wasn’t even traumatized for even a few minutes!

And Sagan keeps talking about wanting to go BACK to the dentist again and he’s been playing dentist with his little brother.

So some quick morals of the story:

1. Make sure you have that comfort level with your provider. Just like with your OB/GYN and childbirth, ask questions if you have them. If needed, switch providers until you find one that you are comfortable with.
2. Remember– the Internet is FULL of horror stories. People on the Internet hate everything. So just because you read a horror story, does not necessarily mean you can’t have a positive experience.
3. I have a small sample size, but I do believe practicing and communication helps. Knowledge is power!
4. I also believe children take cues from their parents. Stay calm and collected.
5. Finally, it is entirely possible for two year olds to get fillings without sedation and without papoose boards.

My Favorite Co-Sleeping Moment

It may be somewhat controversial for me to document that my husband and I co-sleep. It’s a practice that is definitely not for every family, but it works very well for us. We aren’t drinkers or recreational drug users and we already had a very Spartan sleeping arrangement before we had children (e.g. we slept on the floor), so we didn’t have the scary, fluffy adult bed to contend with.

An Anti-Co-Sleeping Ad by Milwaukee, WI
(Reference: A Response from a Co-Sleeping Parent)
P.S. Our “Bed” Looks *Nothing* Like This

Our experience has been extremely positive, but I would say it hasn’t been as ideal as described in the Good Nights: The Happy Parents’ Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night’s Sleep!) book we read during our first pregnancy. Some of the jokes you see circulating around co-sleeping are jokes we can easily relate to.

Baby Sleeping Positions (Credit: How To Be A Dad)

Perception vs. Reality (Credit: ??????)

Also, I must have missed the section in Good Nights where they talked about how when your child has a stomach flu, the upheaval that accompanies changing the linens in the middle of the night applies to the *entire* family.

Stomach flu aside, we have had many, many positive moments. I think this one is my favorite:

Little Dyson is only 4.5 months old at the moment. Some nights, he starts to squirm and stir. I awake to him grunting, his eyes still closed, but clearly aggitated. Usually he is hungry, but sometimes… sometimes I just press my nose against his cheek or rest my forehead against his… and just instantly his limbs relax, his breath steadies, and he falls right back into a peaceful sleep.

I love that. He just wanted to know I was there, that he wasn’t alone.

And moments like that make even the stomach flu worth it. 🙂

0-3 Month Sleepers and Living in the Moment

My youngest son is right on schedule with his growth. Just a couple of days after he turned three months old, I noticed he was a little too snug in his 0-3 month sleepers. I decided daycare would probably prefer him to be able to stretch out his legs, so I went and got him a more appropriately sized outfit. As I zipped up those new pajamas, it suddenly dawned on me– I am likely never going to have a child wear 0-3 month sleepers again. My brain dwelled on that somber fact, perhaps a little too long. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by input by my eyeballs.

Earth to Vicky. Earth to Vicky. Hellloooo! There is an infant smiling at you RIGHT NOW.

I focused on the baby below me and there he was, happily wiggling and cooing, his eyes crunched up into tiny little crescents.

Smile back, you jackass!

So I did and just like that, the moment of melancholy passed.

Our First Family Camping Trip – Prince William Forest Park

This year for his birthday, my husband requested a camping trip. With our two year old and our two month old accompanying us, that made it our very first family camping trip!

Keeping It Simple
Keeping in mind we had two kids with us now, we kept the outing simple. Our original plan was to camp at Sky Meadows State Park which is about an hour away from our home. Our campsite there was going to be a mile hike from the parking lot. However, when that park closed for a Search and Rescue operation, we had to revise our plan. We went to the even closer Prince William Forest National Park and the expedition was made even simpler as our car was parked right next to our site. Initially I was disappointed in the lack of a hike, but I did like being very liberal with my packing knowing the car was right there. I was particularly liberal with layers for the kids. : )

Car Within Sight

Food
Our menu was insanely simple too. Hot dogs, campfire baked potatoes… and s’mores. We don’t really eat hot dogs at home, so it was a special treat for two year old Sagan. He ate 2 1/2 of them!

Sagan Eats Hot Dogs

Beforehand, Ryan and I were strategizing how to most peacefully limit Sagan’s s’mores intake. That turned not to be an issue. He may have liked s’mores, but they paled in comparison to the hot dogs.

S’mores. Not as Good as Hot Dogs

For our campfire baked potatoes, we wrapped them in tin foil, threw them in the fire Friday night, and let them do their thing. Saturday morning, we woke up and pulled them out of the ashes and devoured them for breakfast. Sagan’s reaction after his first bite:

“YUM!”

That was my reaction too. Campire baked potatoes are a favorite of mine. No salt, no butter, or any kind of fixings. They are delicious as is.

Entertainment
For this outing, the act of camping and nature itself was entertainment enough for our two year old. He very much enjoyed helping with the normal camping chores such as setting up the tent, gathering wood, and starting a fire.

Sagan Helps Set Up the Tent

Sagan Helps Gather Firewood

Supervising the Fire Getting Started

Co-Sleeping Win
We were enjoying the campfire when Sagan suddenly requested, “Night night.”

“We’re going night night in the tent,” Ryan said.

Sagan looked over at the tent and said, “No Night Night Tent. Night Night Home.” : )

His hesitation was fleeting. Once we were all in the tent, Sagan was immediately at ease and went to sleep almost right away. We co-sleep and have done a fair amount of traveling. No matter where we’ve gone and what strange rooms and beds we’re in, Sagan has had two constants with bedtime– his mommy and his daddy.

It might also help that at home we sleep on the floor, so camping wasn’t a big leap.

Recent studies indicate that camping can help reset your circadian rhythms within a week. Well within a single night, we all feel asleep much earlier than usual.

Nursing Win
I exclusively pumped with Sagan. We never camped when he was an infant, but we had talked about it enough that I had considered the logistics– getting batteries for the breastpump and enough ice for the cooler, packing enough bottles and cleaning wipes. It would have been do-able, but there would be effort involved.

With little Dyson, we are breastfeeding directly and I have to say, it’s liberating. To feed my child, there was only one thing I needed to pack– ME!

Plus I got to take in some pretty good views while nursing as well. : )

View While Nursing – Ryan and Sagan Enjoy the Campfire

MobyWrap Win
Sagan’s old MobyWrap continues to prove to be super useful with baby Dyson as well. Dyson rode in it while we gathered wood, did a moonlit walk around the campground, and just normal camping activities.

Dyson in MobyWrap While Mommy Feeds Sagan a S’more

Parenting Cliché Fail
When Sagan woke up after his first night in the tent, he was really energetic and excited. As he played and explored the campsite and the woods, he expressed his giddiness verbally… and loudly. Aware that there were campers in nearby sites who were perhaps still trying to sleep, I found myself spewing out a common parent phrase:

“Use your inside voice!”

Worrying Fail
The only big downside of the trip was my own mind. At first, my sleep wasn’t the best because I kept worrying about little Dyson. I had him layered up, elevated off of the cold ground in his car seat, and right next to me, but I still fretted about waking up to find that he froze to death…silently, without making a peep. As a result, I kept waking up and poking him to check his body temperature. After the first time he woke up to nurse, however, I realized all was well and normal. I was able to sleep much better after that.

Dyson Not Freezing to Death

One thing I could have improved upon with Dyson is the layers I chose for him. His base layer was zip-up pajamas, so when I changed his diaper overnight, I had to expose his chest. (Narami, you mentioned this on Twitter, but the lesson didn’t fully sink in until I was changing diapers in the cold). Next time, I’ll make a more strategic choice.

Post Camping Hike
After a great night of camping, we decided to check out Carter’s Pond on the way out of the park. It was brief and beautiful and Sagan got to meet the Polythemus Moth. The moth is named after a cyclops because of the fake eyes it has on its wings. Ryan showed Sagan the moth’s fake eyes and its real eyes.

Beautiful Carter’s Pond

The Polythemus Moth

Sagan Learns Where the Moth’s Real Eyes Are

Our first camping trip was a great success. We may have been celebrating Ryan’s birthday, but it ended up being a gift for the entire family. I might have to steal the idea for my OWN birthday. 🙂

The Graeae Sisters and My Two Boys

When I was a young girl, I loved Greek mythology. There are things in Greek mythology that could be considered disturbing– a father eating his own children (Cronus); a great and menacing beast devouring young men and women trapped in a dank, dark maze (the Minotaur); and good ole wholesome bestiality (Zeus and Leda, Pasiphae and the bull).

But the story that resonated with me the most, the one that provoked the most visceral reaction of disgust was the story of The Graeae Sisters. The hero Perseus encountered them on his way to kill Medusa. The Graeae Sisters were three terribly old women. Between them they had one tooth and one eyeball…so they took turns. I don’t even like seeing someone else’s used chewing gum in the trashcan. I can’t imagine sharing a tooth…or worse an eyeball.

The Graeae Sisters took the beautiful concept of sharing and made it into something really, really icky.

The Graeae Sisters (Image Courtesy of Ray Jackson)

And that brings me to my sons. The other week, I was giving infant Dyson a bedtime bath. Older brother Sagan was helping me out by supervising and pumping out the soap. Eventually, Dyson realized he was getting a bath.

“Baby crying,” Sagan announced.

“That’s right, Dyson’s crying,” I said as I picked up my pace.

All of a sudden, Sagan pulled the pacifier out of his mouth and offered it up to Dyson. SLUUURP! Dyson immediately accepted the gift and started sucking away.

Now this was an amazingly kind and thoughtful gesture for a toddler, particularly one who is completely binky-obsessed. Extremely sweet. Externally I kept my cool. But internally, my reaction was akin to the one I have when I think of those shriveled old women passing around a tartar-covered tooth and a slimy cataract-ridden eyeball:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!

---

P.S. The artwork above by Ray Jackson is available as prints and notecards at RedBubble.com

Sagan and the Garden Toys (A Facebook/Instagram Repost)

I let Sagan strike his toy garden tools against the garage floor. As he was playing I encouraged him.

“You are good at smacking that hoe!”

Then I realized how awful that sounded. 🙂

Sagan Smacks The Hoe