Parenting Confessions

May 4, 2012 at 9:00 am 8 comments

This post was written for inclusion in the May blog carnival hosted by One Fit Mom. Today, participants share their funny, honest and even poignant confessions of how they are less-than-perfect parents (or parents-to-be). Please read to the end of the post to see the full list of links to other carnival submissions.

1) We Let Our Son Fall Out of The Stroller
We might be able to take the cake in terms of confessions. My husband and I are both computer programmers. Our livelihood depends on logic! Strapping a baby into his stroller makes complete logical sense. I would also like to think we have a solid understanding of the concept of gravity. Yet we still had to learn an important lesson:

A 9 week old infant being too small to wiggle his own way out of the stroller does not preclude said infant’s parents from being idiots.

When you are teaming up to carry a kayak, it doesn’t matter if one person’s side is a little lower than the other. It turns out, it matters quite a lot when you are teaming up to carry a stroller, particularly a stroller with an unrestrained infant.

A Kayak Does Not Equal a Stroller – Change Your Strategies Accordingly AND Strap In Your Baby!

Our lapse of good judgement brought us an emergency room visit, an overnight hospital stay for observation, but a fully recovered and oblivious infant. Our little guy had no idea what all the hoopla was about.

I consider us extremely lucky.

2) Milk Metrics May Be Too Important To Me
I’m an exclusive pumper and over the course of the last ten months, I have kept an ongoing spreadsheet of the milk production. The intention is so I can note if the supply starts to drop and take measures to build it back up. However, the numbers have taken on a life of their own and have acquired an inflated priority.

In the middle of the night a few months ago, my son needed a bottle and I pulled one out of the handy dandy cooler next to our bed. He did his usual drinking, drinking, drinking when I noticed something odd. I pulled the bottle next to my handy dandy nightlight and the milk did not behave as one would expect a liquid to behave. In fact, it seemed to have texture. Could this bottle be frozen?!? I opened it up and discovered that inside the bottle with the milk was the paper towel I had used to dry bottles earlier in the day.

Now my first thought wasn’t “Oh gawd, I just fed Sagan a paper towel bottle. Is that safe?”

My first thought was how somewhere in my spreadsheet there loomed an inaccurate number.

My second thought wasn’t “Oh gawd, I just fed Sagan a paper towel bottle. Is that safe?” It probably wasn’t my third thought either.

Instead I started to ponder how I should adjust my numbers to account for the paper towel. : )

Bottle + Paper Towel = Bad Metrics

3) My Dog Almost Took a Dump on My Son’s Head
I have a 15 year old dog, Jimmie, who in his old age struggles to control his bowels. My husband, my son and I all co-sleep on the floor. One day, the baby was napping and I was on the other side of the room. Between us, Jimmie suddenly stood up on his dog bed. Such an abrupt ascent is usually followed with an abrupt deposit.

“No! No! No! No!” I shouted as Jimmie assumed the position.

I startled the dog and his instinct was to waddle away from me….. and toward the sleeping baby! With super human speed, I crossed the room, snagged the dog and hurled him off our mattress.

The dog missed… but in a distance that could easily be measured in centimeters or inches.

P.S. The baby slept through the whole thing!

Other submissions:
Cassie at Mama PhD ‘N Training discusses her cloth diapering dilemmas, and how they might be interfering with the progress of her dissertation.

Carmen at I Love Being Mom shares the guilt and relief that came with the end of her breastfeeding relationship.

Quinn at Sun Flower and Sunshine (whose baby is due any day now!) confesses her third trimester diet debauchery.

Cheryl at Mommy & Co. learns firsthand why her mom may have made some of the parenting mistakes she did.

Carli at One Fit Mom reveals an amusing list of her best, er, worst parenting transgressions

Entry filed under: Breastfeeding, Parenting.

Recommended Reading: Silo Trees in the New York Times! Happy 2nd Birthday, American Chestnuts!

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Carolyn  |  May 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I am laughing so hard about the Jimmie incident.

    Did the paper-towel bottle have milk in it, too? Was it a wet soppy papertowel floating around in the milk? Because if so, ewww…

    I remember another incident involving Jimmie almost stepping on your laptop…..

    • 2. tgaw  |  May 4, 2012 at 2:04 pm

      The laptop incident completely slipped my mind!!!! I might have to write an addendum– that’s a good one!

    • 3. tgaw  |  May 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm

      Oh and yes— the bottle had a paper towel in it and the milk!

      • 4. Carolyn  |  May 4, 2012 at 2:06 pm

        Eww. Poor Sagan.

  • […] at TGAW shares some of the hilarious mishaps of computer programmers turned parents. Share […]

  • 6. OneFitMom  |  May 5, 2012 at 1:13 am

    This was hilarious! I could totally see myself in the same situation with the spreadsheets, being so completely anal-retentive about some particular (and in the grand scheme of things, unimportant) detail, and forgetting the part that really mattered — the baby! 🙂

    We don’t have any incontinent dogs around here, but if it makes you feel any better, my bird has bitten Oliver. Twice. Once, hard enough that he bled and had a scab for more than a week.

  • 7. Carmen  |  May 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    I love love love the spreadsheet thought…so true…lol…

  • 8. Jennifer L.  |  June 8, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    This post gave me the worst case of the library giggles. My 5-month-old is asleep in my lap and laughing is, well, forbidden!


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