“Best Family Reunion Ever”

August 19, 2007 at 10:42 pm 13 comments

My cousin Jordan had a rough week at Bethany.  As usual, he and cousin Frank had their ongoing wrestling matches.  One of the highlight matches is the jellyfish infested Assawoman Bay.  Just like the bay bouts from the last three years, both competitors got repeatably stung by jellyfish.

Another wrestling match occured in the grass median on Campbell Ave.  I had caught wind of the fight while inside the beach house.  I rushed down three flights of stairs, but alas, the match was already over with.  Jordan was rolling around on the ground.  Apparently one of the younger spectators ran up and kicked Jordan in the groin.

Speaking of the younger spectators, Jordan was trying to demonstrate some kind of sleeper/choke hold to them earlier in the week.  As part of the process he passed out.  I’m told there was drooling and a “seizure” involved.

Along with their ongoing wrestling battles, Jordan and Frank commenced a prank war on each other.  It didn’t matter that they were staying in two seperate beach houses.  In the wee hours of the night, the young men would travel between the beach houses to initiate their surprise attacks.  Jordan seemed to be the target more than the perpetrator.



One night Frank snuck into Jordan’s room dressed in black clothes and a black ski mask (who packs a black ski mask to go to the beach?!?) and slapped Jordan across the back as hard as he could.  Jordan’s sister, Louise, was also in the room.  She awoke to her brother screaming… and an intruder wearing a black ski mask fleeing the scene.

Jordan tried to retaliate by telling Frank Louise was so scared she called the police.  That didn’t quite strike fear into Frank’s heart.  Rather, Frank was rather thrilled with the notion and seemed proud.  He was actually disappointed to hear the police were not summoned to the beach house.

Another night, Jordan was awoken by Frank dumping ice water all over him.  As a creative retaliation for that, Jordan dumped ice water on Frank the next day during an afternoon nap.

One morning I woke up to a peaceful house… went outside and found Jordan’s car had been toilet-papered:

Jordan’s car

Then our final evening, Jordan was playing with one of our youngest cousins (who will not be named).  She was riding on his shoulders.  One of the onlookers told the little girl, “Hey, I’ll give you 20 dollars if you pee right now.”  Everyone laughed it off.  Then twenty minutes later, Jordan noticed his back feeling quite wet and warm.  It was a delayed reaction, but the little girl had decided to accept the dare.  My cousin Jordan had gotten peed on at point blank range!

After a shower and a fresh pair of clothes, Jordan joined the remainder of the family at Higgins Crabhouse.  He ordered a Strawberry Daiquiri, the waitress brought it out… and Jordan promptly spilt it all over himself.  It just wasn’t Jordan’s day with liquids.


Shortly after the Daiquiri Debacle, Jordan sat at the dinner table and marveled, “This was the best family reunion ever!  I can’t wait until next year.”

Let’s recap Jordan’s week here.  He passed out and drooled on himself.  He was woken up suddenly in the middle of the night multiple times.  He got kicked in the groin.  He got stung by jellyfish.  HE GOT PEED ON.  And THAT was the best family reunion ever?!?!  I guess that goes to show just how much fun our family beach trips can be!  🙂

Entry filed under: Bethany Beach, Frank, J Gerard Sawyer, Travel.

links for 2007-08-18 Self Portraits

13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sour Swinger  |  August 20, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Damn right, that was my best family reunion. An added note though, I retaliated with ice water that same morning Frank got me. He nailed me 2:30am and I got him then at 4:30am. Also, I used an easy three times as much water as Frank. He was TOTALLY drenched. The double TP of my car (Toilet Paper & Tooth Paste) occurred shortly after. Suffice to say Frank was pissed.

    Frank also broke the screen mesh around the porch in his attempt to climb up our house to sneak in.

    Apparently the peeing cousin had so much pee it was dripping off my back and onto the couch. YUCK!!!!

    Frank and I also had 1 major wrestling match before you arrived. It lasted about 35 minutes, but I finally won by getting him in a single arm bar. Yes thats right, after three years I finally won. I still have memories of this 15 yrs old kid literally picking me up and slamming me (22 yrs old, 170 lb at the time) in the water like I was a feather. Amazing!!!

    A follow up to the groin kicking. The younger spectator, Chase, was then promptly pinned down to the ground. Frank and Kaylee each took a limb while I held his legs. Chase’s shirt was rolled up to allow him to bite on it. With Uncle Carmen verifying this wasn’t child abuse, I returned an equivalent punch to Chase’s nuts. I don’t think Chase ever felt so much pain before. =) He was curled up in a ball for quite some time.

    Also there was the ER incident. I challenged Chase to get his mom’s road bike up to 25 mphs. He made it to 24.7mph before clipping his front tire with my back and going head first over the handle bars. I can still remember clear as day watching his body tumble along the ground…with no helmet too. Amazingly he only scared up his knees and hands. I believe he got 4 or 5 stitches on the one leg.

  • 2. Clint  |  August 20, 2007 at 9:25 am

    You guys are crazy.

  • 3. tgaw  |  August 20, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    Haha. Hope they don’t do a blacklight inspection on that beach house couch. Urine glows!

  • 4. Anne Sawyer  |  August 23, 2007 at 5:33 pm

    WHO PACKS A BLACK SKI MASK TO GO TO THE BEACH? Years ago someone in our beach house turned the upstairs thermostat down to 40 degrees. Lowell and I couldn’t sleep we were so cold, The next morning Samantha comes downstairs in a flannel nightgown and fuzzy robe. I asked how she knew to pack that and her mother said “she bundles up”. Those kids come preparded,

  • 5. Carolyn  |  August 23, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    Hahha! I used to be a very unprepared packer. I’d forget to bring a pair of long pants and a sweater for the chilly evenings, or I’d forget to bring a dress for the fancy dinner. Lately, though, I’ve been getting the hang of remembering those important items.

    But a ski mask and flannel nightgown? Crazy.

  • 6. Sour Swinger  |  August 23, 2007 at 9:57 pm

    Turning the thermostat down? That’s a brilliant idea! I’ll have to remember that for next summer.

  • 7. Carolyn  |  August 24, 2007 at 12:05 am

    You got to come up with something more original than that. Frank has a ski mask packed, so he won’t care if it’s freezing.

  • 8. Chriggy  |  August 24, 2007 at 1:04 am

    I used to be a bad packer too. With it being Summer, last year I didn’t bring any long sleeve shirts to Assateague. Then I had to hit Wal-Mart to buy some.

    This year, Shannon was making fun of me for bringing my hoodie. I’m glad I did.

    But a ski mask?!?

  • 9. tgaw  |  August 24, 2007 at 8:26 am

    You should have seen my haphazard packing before Assateague and Bethany! When I go hiking and backpacking, I think through the items in my bag. I roll it up and strategically place in the pack, trying to insure its proximity to a zipper synchs up with its potential use.

    Prior to Assateague camping, I just had a huge suitcase on the floor and I was randomly tossing items in it. I must have done something similiar last year, since I forgot MY SLEEPING BAG!!!

    Even little packing forethought, I always bring layers. BUT, I think I could have given myself a week to pack and I would never would have thought to include a ski mask.

  • 10. Carolyn  |  August 24, 2007 at 9:39 am

    I packed separately for Assateague and Bethany. I had my camping backpack for Assateague, and a suitcase for Bethany. I had completely different wardrobes for each — more conservative normal shirts for the family at Bethany, and more tank tops for Assateague. I even had a different swimsuit for Bethany. There was some overlap – the beach towels were used for both beaches.

    I also packed for Clint the same way.

  • 11. Clint  |  August 24, 2007 at 10:01 am

    i just take my camping back pack from last time and hope that it still has everything i need in it…

  • 12. Adam  |  August 28, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    I don’t know, Jordan emailed me and said that he got the best of Frank this year. After reading the info above, sounds to me like he got the shit kicked out of him. There is always next year….

  • 13. tgaw  |  September 5, 2007 at 5:34 am

    #12 is my very first comment (that I’m aware of at least) from Iraq.


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