Why I’m Not on American Idol

There are a few reasons why I think I enjoy programming after normal business hours.  Lack of phone calls and interruptions is a pretty obvious appeal.

I think another factor may be nostalgia.  When we were children, my father used to go to work in the evenings and weekends and he would take me and my siblings along.  While Dad worked, we’d each take a desk and play office– calling each other’s extensions, writing memos, photocopying “important documents” and one time accidently discovering a porn magazine in the desk of one of my father’s subordinates (Dad was not especially thrilled with that discovery of ours).  I also recall races up and down the hallway to the cafeteria.  There was something invigorating, something exciting about being in that office building at night.  

Finally, a third possibility has come to mind lately– I think I enjoy after hours work because I like to sing along to music.  I’m a horrible singer, so it isn’t a luxury I can indulge in when there are witnesses around.  As a result, my routine has become at 5:30 I’ll unplug my headphones and start playing music through the speakers.  There are still others lingering around, so I may sing along to choice phrases– but very softly.   Eventually someone comes by to tell me I’m the last one in the building.  At this point, I have total freedom!  I increase the volume of my speakers and I increase the volume of my participation.

This evening, Ana came by to tell me I was the last one left and I commenced my crooning.  Things were going well– a half an hour had passed and I was very much enjoying accompanying Kanye West with my shaky, offkey rendition of  ”Family Business”. 

 All the diamond rings, they don’t mean a thing…. mean a thing… mean a thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnngggg.

Suddenly I heard laughter behind me and a sarcastic, “You’re awesome!”

I turned around to find my co-worker, Chuck….. AND his wife.

How…. embarassing.