Seinfeld and Natural Child Birth
I may have screwed myself with this natural, medication-free childbirth thing. To help explain, I submit the monologue from Season 5 Episode 13 of Seinfeld, “The Dinner Party”:
We never should have landed a man on the moon. It’s a mistake. Now everything is compared to that one accomplishment. I can’t believe they could land a man on the moon . . . and taste my coffee! I think we all would have been a lot happier if they hadn’t landed a man on the moon. Then we’d go, They can’t make a prescription bottle top that’s easy to open? I’m not surprised they couldn’t land a man on the moon. Things make perfect sense to me now. Neil Armstrong should have said, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for every, complaining, sob on the face of the earth.”
Transcript from SeinfeldScripts.com
In the past week, I have returned back to our gym to resume regular exercise. I am finding workouts with my post-partum sleep schedule to be significantly more challenging than workouts with a third trimester pregnancy belly. Unfortunately, I am also finding myself lacking a good excuse to lessen said workouts. Just as putting a man on the moon became a means to judge all other failings and shortcomings, natural childbirth has become its own litmus test.
Photo by David Shankbone
Photo by Onur YILDIRIM (Shadov)
Today at the gym, winded and with weary legs, I thought about cutting my time short. Then this thought came into my head:
“You can do natural childbirth, but you can’t stay on this darn elliptical for ten more minutes?!?”
And so, I had no choice. I ended up putting in my full hour.
Throughout the series Seinfeld, there were occasions where Jerry would clench up his fist and bitterly exclaim his nemesis’ last name, “NEWMAN!”
Perhaps one day soon, I’ll be at the gym and find myself with a similar ejaculation.